this article really spoke to me

I’m kind of at a point where I’m trying to figure out how to help Brian understand the delicacy of being in an interracial relationship, especially because living together has brought out some conflicting habits that I find are somewhat cultural. (Or maybe my mom has just passed on way too many of her anal retentive tendencies to me. Who knows.)

As we continue to grow closer and my thoughts inevitably drift toward our future, I think about the marriage not only of the two of us, but of our families and cultures. It’s already very evident to me that we were both heavily influenced by our mothers, and that the way we raise our children will reflect that. But there is one pretty significant difference: my mother never raised a white child, and his mother never raised an Asian child.

And our children will be both white and Asian, yet neither white nor Asian. Not only will we need to find a way to bring both of our cultures together into one household, we will also need to understand, to the best of our ability, how to support our children as they experience life through a biracial and bicultural lens. We will also need to help the rest of our families navigate this as well.

In the past, when I’ve fantasized about having mixed-race children, my motivations have been purely superficial. They have unique features and are usually gorgeous. They have that light brown hair that is neither Asian black nor Caucasian blond. The list goes on. (In my more socially aware and self-accepted adult life, I came to appreciate the beauty of full-blooded Asian children as well, but that’s besides the point.) Never once did I consider the emotional package that comes with monoracial parents raising multiracial children.

Now that it’s likely that my life partner and the father of my children will be white, I am realizing that we should probably start addressing this all now, lest it go unexplored and totally blow up in our faces.

So anyway, when I came across this article, From a Mixed Race Child: Tips for a White Parent, my eyes were opened even further and I was moved. I’m sharing it with you all now, and I plan to share it with Brian at some point – right now I’m focusing more on having him learn how to navigate the relationship. We’ll wait a bit before we introduce any third parties.